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A Humorous Look At What We Do

When people ask me what I do for a living, the answer isn’t comprehended easily. For example, when someone is asked what they do for a living, most people might say: policeman, lawyer, fireman, dental hygienist, shelf replenishment engineer, biochemist, bus driver, contractor, plumber, cryogenics analyst, congressman…you instantly know what they do. OK, well maybe that last profession (congressman) wasn’t a good example because no one knows what they do, but you get my drift here.

Recently, my daughter’s boyfriend asked her: “What does your father do for a living?” Her response: “He builds shit and gets stuff done!” Actually, despite being a very funny explanation, her response wasn’t far from the truth! I’m thinking of making that my tag line on my website, and also place it on magnetic signs on my car doors. Wouldn’t that be grand? On second thought, there are certain instances where people might not appreciate the humor of this sign, a church parking lot comes to mind.

At any rate, when asked what I do, I push my shoulders back, puff out my chest and proudly proclaim, “I’m an assembler!” The responses are almost all the same. With furrowed brows and looks of bewilderment, people will say things like: “Oh, you work in a factory?” No, that isn’t it. “So, you work on an assembly line attaching handles to car doors of a Ford Taurus?” No, that isn’t it either. All of a sudden, my daughter’s response might just be the ticket after all.

My profession requires clarification, and even after a brief but concise 30 second explanation, which usually lasts 3.5 hours, the people are bored and forgot what they asked. But seriously, I represent a relatively small core of technicians nationwide who assemble, install and repair things that come in a box, carton, or crate. These items many times require the end user (men) to demonstrate their manliness by convincing their spouses that they can build something without any help. More times than not, with the aid of beer consumption and pizza, the men are actually able to accomplish absolutely nothing….whereupon the women conduct a search for assembly and repair services on the Internet and find me!

I kid you not, countless women have said to me upon entering their house for the assembly or repair project: “Thank God you’re here! My husband is so inept he doesn’t know which end of a hammer to hold.” I can validate female commentary like this, because in many instances they don’t even have a hammer, so how would the men know which end to hold. If you have ever done any work within the confines of certain affluent neighborhoods, which shall remain nameless (New Albany, Ohio), you will understand what I am saying. In other words….No Tools + Inept Men (sometimes women) = Job Security For Me.

Back to the question of what I do for a living, I am a marriage counselor and therapist bringing harmony to each and every home by assembling and installing basketball goals (both in-ground and portable), fitness equipment, trampolines, backyard play sets, furniture, sheds, grills, bicycles, wall mount TV’s, heavy pictures, mirrors, and many more things that folks don’t want to put together, or even repair. So ladies, before you strike your husband with a ball-peen hammer, (if in fact you have one), for screwing up the assembly he said he could accomplish, give me a call. I will be happy to “build some shit for you and get things done!”

 

Author: Chris Manack, Owner and President of the UAN, and Owner/Operator of Precision Assembly & Repair Technologies.

Updated: November 17, 2016 — 7:45 pm
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